But the liftoff got pushed to January, so I ended up spending the day at home.

Since I wasn't going to be here, and the weather was warm and rainy (not Christmas-like) and I was trying to get some code to work for my client, I didn't do anything about Christmas decorations, and it didn't bother me. When it turned out I was going to be here, and the weather got cool and snowy, my lack of holiday spirit started to annoy me.

Christmas was Carol's favorite holiday. The year her mom died she was depressed and wasn't up to do anything for Christmas.

On Christmas Eve, in proper guy fashion, I finally got around to doing my Christmas shopping. Among other places, I hit Big Lots to see if they had anything interesting for a gag-gift.

They had a little three-foot tall pre-decorated Christmas tree-the last one, marked down to half price.

So, it followed me home and Carol let me keep it.

That sort of started the tradition of me bringing Christmas to Carol. She did a lot of the decorating, but I'd wait until she was asleep and then bring up the tree and the big decorations so they'd be there when she woke up a week or two before Christmas.

This was one of the little things I did that pleased her, and made her feel taken care of.

Bringing up that tree has too many memories. It's too much like pretending she's still here and I'm doing it for her. I'm trying to break my habits of doing things "her way" unless that's also "my way" (not to be confused with buying stuff at Busch's with their MyWay card).

I thought about the little ornamental thing I got last year. It reminds me too strongly of last Christmas--the first Christmas in thirty years without Carol.

But there's a cute little ceramic tree we used to bring up once in a while with cute little lights. I don't know if it was Carol's or her folks. It's not so strongly associated with either a Carol Christmas or with a Carol-less Christmas.

So, that's on the stand where I put the little decoration last year. I ended up bringing last year's decoration up a few days later, but it's on the dining room table, where I can see it, but not the center of attention.

This Christmas is not as hard as last year's was. I'm not feeling the need to keep myself extra busy like I did last year.

But, the house is just a little emptier than it should be.

The cats are doing their best to keep me from brooding. They spend half their time on my lap, purring and comforting and all that. They spend the rest of their time marking anything that's not moving and keeping my blood pressure up. I'm on my fourth half-gallon of Nature's Miracle. I've bought more milk and juice than Nature's Miracle, but I think the Nature's Miracle is #3 on my most-purchased list.

I had a good Christmas. A friend came over on Christmas Eve for dinner and just chatting.

On Christmas, I had a late brunch with another friend and her extended family, then joined their present exchange, complete with two very energetic young children.

After this, it was a quiet dinner with a couple other friends.

The only downside was that the idiot on the road who tried to take a corner too fast was me. Both me and the car are fine, but I clipped the side-view mirror on a sign post and it's pretty seriously shattered. Tomorrow, when there's daylight, I'll see what I can do with some bubble gum, baling wire and duck tape to get me to Florida, Texas and back.